YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Sexual violence is anything sexual without consent. Sexual violence can take many forms and be defined in different ways, but one thing remains the same: it’s never the victim’s fault.

Sexual violence can include any of the following acts that are non-consensual:

• Sex of all types (vaginal, oral, anal, object and digital)

• Sexual kissing and touching

• Sending of sexual messages

• Sending or forcing someone to pose for sexual images (nudes)

• Exposure - forcing someone to watch a sexual act including pornography

Sexual assault: Any unwanted or forced sexual act or behaviour that has happened without a consent i.e., Rape, sexual touching and exposure

Drug facilitated sexual assault: The use of alcohol or drugs by a perpetrator on a victim, to perform sexual acts or behaviors without consent

Child sexual abuse: When a perpetrator intentionally harms a minor (under 16 years of age) sexually

Intimate partner sexual violence: A perpetrator can have any relationship to a victim, and that includes the role of an intimate partner. You do not have to consent to sex or sexual acts because someone is your partner

Incest: Unwanted sexual contact from a family member

Sexual harassment: Any unwelcome or offensive sexual behaviour that is repeated, or is serious enough to have a harmful effect

Sexual harm is the term we use to reference the emotional and physical harm that is generated as a result of the traumatic experience. These are the symptoms that impact you after the assault and can become compounding and overwhelming. They can include feelings of embarrassment, shame, trauma, hypervigilance, as well as flashbacks and nightmares.

Dealing with Flashbacks pdf - download here

Consent is when someone freely, voluntarily and consciously engages with another person in a sexual activity. Consent cannot be forced or assumed, and both parties must feel free to say no.

Consent can be withdrawn at any point before, or during, the sexual act with the expectation that the other person stops. Any type of sexual activity without consent is considered a sexual violation and is against the law.

New Zealand Law recognizes that there are circumstances where consent doesn’t count:

• If someone is under the influence of drugs or alcohol

• If someone is under 16 years of age

• If there is any force, threat/coercion or pressure involved

It is the responsibility of the person asking to do something sexual to make sure that the other person is legally able to give their consent.

Sexual harm can be experienced in a number of ways. Some of these symptoms are common in Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Physical

• Bodily discomfort such as headaches, digestive problems, non-specific pain

• Racing heart, palpitations or chest pains

• Trembling or shaking

• Crying

• Tense muscles

• Changes in appetite (eating too much or not eating at all)

• Sleep problems (sleeping too much, waking often, difficulty getting to sleep, nightmares)

Psychological/ Mental

• Feeling wired, on edge, watchful or jumpy

• Flashbacks of images, memories, thoughts to do with the assault

• Dissociation – disconnecting from feelings, thoughts, memories

• Issues with concentration, focus, memory

• Intrusive thoughts

Emotional

• Dramatic or sudden mood changes

• Depression (a sense of hopelessness or helplessness)

• Worried, anxious or fearful

• Angry or irritable

• Numbness

• Anger

• Guilt

• Shame

Behavioural

• Avoidance of situations, people, places, responsibilities such as work, events that remind you of the assault

• Withdrawing from people and activities

• Becoming extra safety conscious and hypervigilant

• Increased use of alcohol, smoking or drugs

• Increased risk-taking behaviour

Please know that it is completely normal to experience one or more of these symptoms. Their impact can be overwhelming. Find someone you trust who can support you through the difficult times, you do not have to do it alone.

You may also benefit from seeing your GP if these symptoms are ongoing.

Understanding Trauma pdf - download here

This is a courageous step to take, and we encourage you to have support around you.

BRAVE can help you through this process. Please know you do not have to do it alone.

No matter when the assault happened – whether it be three days or three years ago - you can always report the crime. You can do this by calling 105 or visiting your local police station and asking to speak with an officer.

For information on what you can expect when reporting a sexual assault, this guide may be useful.

• Give yourself time.  There is no right or wrong way to travel through recovery – it will take the time it takes, and that is okay.

• Use strategies that work for you.  Have a go at using strategies that have helped you through stressful times previously, such as exercise, mindfulness or meditation. Take positive action, no matter how small.

• Make self-care a priority.  Look after yourself first. Try to eat regularly and stay hydrated throughout the day. Try to rest and get some sleep. If sleep becomes an ongoing issue, visit your GP.

• Keep to a routine.  Try and stick to your routine as much as you can. Sometimes this helps us to feel in control when everything else feels out of control.

• Keep connected.  Stay connected with people that you love and trust. Spend time with those that care about you.

• Accept support.  This can be a hard one, but accept help from people you trust who can assist in practical ways and provide emotional support.

• Reach out for extra help when you are ready.  Sometimes it is easier to speak to someone outside of your family and friend group. Reach out to your GP or a counsellor. Connect with BRAVE and talk to someone who ‘gets it.’

• Be present.  You may not know exactly what to say, and that’s okay. Often listening is the best way to support them. Coming forward about sexual harm is really difficult, so reassure them they are safe, that you believe them and that it is not their fault.

• Provide resources or help in practical ways.  Have numbers for helplines and offer to help them through the call, support them to get medical attention if there are symptoms you or they are worried about. Practical support could look like sharing a meal, going for a walk together, helping them with washing and reminding them to prioritise their self-care.

• Check in occasionally.  The trauma of sexual harm can make someone feel alone. Remind them that you still believe and care about them and that their wellbeing is important to you.

As a consumer of health and disability services, you are entitled to receive a standard of care compliant with the Code of Health and Disability Services Consumers’ Rights.

When you are ready, BRAVE can connect you to a network of support. You can come along to monthly activities and socialise with others as you learn something new or do something fun, or you can ask us about tailored individual support. The greatest service we can provide is someone to listen and space to help navigate through the healing after trauma.

Our BRAVE Services.